Bilbo's story of the Huge Jack Man
by JackSanchez and TimWinchester
Summary: AN adventure, full of fun laughter n giggles, great read. Bilbo struggles on his adventure of a certain package..mmm.. ;)
1. The Beginging

Bildo's story of the Huge Jackman

One day there was a big boy called dildo Bildo. The best day he ever had was Friday. On Friday he was bored right down to his vERY SOLE! But then a magical spark happened in his sole. He got a rection. I mean reaction to his sole. He met this sweet guy called star chrek or shrek 4 shorts. He was a really mein guy. He looked rly disturbanced by this donkay. So bildo said hega heag and he went on his way. He ran all the way 2 honk konk . thts in Japanese btw if u even do ur work in science u stuped dumb idot ;)). But instead he went 2 gagolf his long time dad but it was really he's friend well nt rly he was just a wizit cuming on his journey to bildo. He was cumming bildo and bildo says stop really faststt! But then he said I havea journey for u you have to take a journey for me uuuuu get it? Bildo said no gagolf I don I DON'T FICKING UNDERSTAND FUCKIN FICK. And gagolg said ok enoby I mean gagolf I have an explinatin and bilgo said NO I H8 AAAAAAAAAAALL WOLVES. And AND AND WIZITS! Gagolf got rrrrlly maaad n I mean rllly mad so mad he was lyke ""What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in guerilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.""""" He was astonish..bildo I mean. You should put it on edmod said bildo. *ugh u cant come in" said gagolf. Then a ugly dragon call smoke come. Heloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! He sed. R u a dragon he said and then he played skrim on his jupebox. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh said smoke he was actualy breathing fire on bildos face lol. Bildo got burned then lollygags came and gagolf was nowhere to be found. ddddddddddddddddd! This better be good bildo quest of all ur times ur foofing about.. sed lolgas. Bildo looked up at the tall, slender man with a longing gaze. His eyes were a strange shade of blue that Bildo had never seen before. Ledobas flicked his eyes down to the hobbit, giving a warm smile. Embarrassed, Bildo let one of his soft curls cover his eye, and blushed. "No! He knew I was looking at him!" Bildo thought. He felt a warm, tender hand on his chin, lifting up his face and shifting his eyes to the person towering above him. Lozenge's voice was as soft as his skin when he said, "ugh why hasent even leonado decrapio ever win an oscar befoar! He slap bildos butt and kik him into muddy mudkicks.


	2. Chaper

p class="MsoNormal"Ok next chater is of biodome/biodome. Biodome didn't like bildo so logolog picked him off the ground. He cuked him back on the lake and he swim away he was sposed to drowen. U.g.h.!supTm /supHe floooooooowed down a lake and ther was lot of sharp ricks. Ahhhh he whispered. Slowly. when is my life going to end for good! Bildo died well he thought so but he was just hit by a wave and his sufboad didn't save him. Even if he had a sufboad LOL. Anyway he got all wet nd the river flowed him all the way to sonic who was havin a something battle with his old friend but his recolor sadow. He kept flowin kept kept flowin. He saw these lion that have just WINGES he was surprised but anyway this was the land of hobits and robits so it didn't matter the loin try to eat him but loin rember that he had wings so he flied in the water and go to alasantica. Wow sed Bildo. I have seen all. he swam awy I mean he flowwwwwd. Next on his buckt list he found a merica. "I pledge allegint to the state flag o got dam how dat shit go." He foget he's words. Obman greets him in polite. Helo Bildo you have travel far from ho. Let me come onto you. Obman smiled a biiiiiiiig grin and hel his hand to his chest. He sed, "Ohana. What is Ohana? It is layers and onions hav layer. Hey-o!" He thrust Bildo into the air. "Oh my." Bildo laughed. SPL! He landed into a river on his way beck homey home. He come home all the way on his bicycle in the water. Actually he gets back to Lezababs and sudely all googas have invaded the grss of he's home! Nah just joking it was just lerigoras and themanduil all having a party "where were u go bildo" he said "oh I was just jimmying my cock." Said lotsabags and themanduil say "ugh not u" and kick his arses. "it was me I did it im bildo" "oh hi bildo where did u go I love dogs and cats too" "ohi was just in the bke with my water" ok so next he didn't run away he talked to his friends which were grasshopper and lilypad. My f. f. fren..ds! They all plyd nintedogas on all of the ds1 I mean 3ds. "I luv u guy y did I even leave!?" " I don kno " sed lestenbad. I would have done the sam. Speakin of Sam, here he com knowe? San came roll down his hous and into Ladybug. "UGGHHH:" Said Lesbian. "SAPACHO SAN! DON"T DO DIS EVE AGAIN!" San look up at Bildo. He whispered into his ear, "Help me." Bildo back away in fear. "OH MY!" he uttered as the log grey coat of Gagolf enveloped him. Gagolf gasped in shock. "OH" He fell on his back and Bildo came flyin out of Gagolf's coat. Luciman look at Gagolf wit a werd face. "Gagolf," He asked, worried. "Did u jus hav a bab?" Gagolf look at Bildo in surplus. Bildo ran to his arms. "Who r u?" He ask as Galgolf and Bildo hug tite. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sed Smoke who loved f romantic books. He dripped a tear to the grond and breathed heavily fyre into Likikiki's long peen. It came flying off! "Wow I am smooth!" Sed Smoke. Larry sed no I am and patted his skin all over with honay. "wow u smell like honay" said smoke. Smoke fly up 2 metres then fell and broke he's ankle. Hes blood spewed out of hes chest of a hole in his hart. "oh wis felted quillo okay okay! Im okytyats ow my brawls!" "OOOWWWOWOWOWOW I LOV thiD"/p 


	3. Casper: The menly curse

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: distribute-all-lines;""Ok lets get business." Sed Smoke. I have importantnews. He hop on his broken foot and yelled yip. "I hav a mission. A black mission. I need to giv message to V.I.P!" They needs my massage I mean message."Leteckiman gasp. "Smoke" "What who said that" said smoke. Loronzo looke up "OH NO WHOS THAT in my sky its mine u know u ugly stupid ho." "It is I Jimjam Tiddelus Kirk." San gasp! "Dad, is that you!" Also Bomez was there! "Medical Procedure!" "What the heckie!" sed Krik! "Bomez said UPPITY Bitch.." Lemongrad pricked up his elfy elf ear. He heard a sob. Everyone turn to see Smoke,crying. "Y u cry?" Sed Themanduil. "No one cares I am hole in hart and no foot." He lay in a pool of blud. "Don be sad, you can wer my clothes" sed Gagolf. WOAH! Nek minnit he naked but with just underdog and beard! OH MY! Smoke gget beter. "Don't worry Smoke it will b bettr tomorrow." Sed Krik. He plugged his holey hart with his broken foot "U mus carry me to mt mone-orb." Yea! They all sed./p 


	4. Chester- Benign Tumour

"Tke it off turn it down!" say Landslide. All the star trek went away like jimjam and bomez. They are gone don't worry. "ok how we gonnan do this" said bildo. "can u please do your reflection " said smoke. UGH. Hedidit and they start.


	5. Chafe- fight

"im tyred."  
Said locomotive. Suddenly! Out of the boshes cme a noise! Smoke crept towards the scaaaaaary bush….. SURPRISE out of the bushes came BENYSPIT CRACKERSNAX! OH GOD IM HONOURED! Just kidding that's 4 later. (SPOILER ALERT LOL) ok so ignore what I sed out of boshes actually was a rabbit LOL I TRICKED U"***** smoke breathed and for diner that nite they had roast lamb. What happened to the rabbit? No body knows. 666 illuminati 420 blaze KKK no blacks allowed.

"Im off on an adventure" sed Bildo. "Shut u Bildo you hav no friends" sed Gagolf. Bildo slink into the dark and laugh. "In an alternate universe, you look like labalos butt crax on a sunny winter day when its so cold it got big as a mongoose ." said gagolf to san. San wasn't evn at the crime scene. Police come called pink pink said "sowhat do u know what happen here something happen tell mewat hapIN o tara strong introduced herself at the party. "Heyall im in leififi choir band no picz plz sweg" What a shoque! "Ok I am smoke we must travel. Come with us to infinite and before!" So they were about 500mph away from the final destination. And thy had 2 get a move on but b4 tht happns smoke pull out his camera. Oh how they had such fun learnin bout taras life and making a movie J ;) but little kids cant see its too bad 4 them eyes they wont develop properply in life l8r on. TOO Bad hahaha lel anyway Legofchicken decide to take them through the creeeeeepy forest. He tell story he say, "I am always endebted to all of those people who make this series happen I will always be endebted to beverrly hills chiwowowowowand that's where I stop because of a man that is titktitktitk thanks for coming today I will just draw that ok though I can float goodbye." And with that he fly away just kidding I don't have wings or anything LOL But snow fell and disappear woa. "We r so lost! I don't kno where I am going!" sed smoke. "Don't worry smoke I will help" Sed gagolf and he lifted his wand (NOT THAT KIND U GET URHEAD OUT OF GUTTER NAUGHTY) and shone a lite. "WOW!" they exclaimed this is a great book! Subscribe. N E wayz bak to stori gagolf shone a ligt to show the way. and stopped in shop was an recognise ruin furry mold up his filth steep in windows to his spores josh clapped her lips in his mouth WHOA HANG ON he didn't wanna risk creaking his fot bol. Ur a jerk. Smoke jumped and said, "um b4a fire was on hard skin burning my sphere. Suddenly josh was finest light on his widened crack the fire was down in a cave in the centre my flowing heart on my volcano it erupted forming it shape. Thick clouds cleared along lake. Uhhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhhh it wasn't a soup substance I love bubbles of algae yum mmmmmmmmm I hate Prometheus." "what is it you are saying to me I don't get it what you are saying to me." Said bildo. Smoke said "it was me I am become so emotional. my hole in my heart? Yeah. That's what I am doing u jerk my feelens are boring out of my heart don't u get it?! Thnk gugl my bildo o my tugago jar. There was a sound off in the distance. Bildo listened wit his large ears o.O. He listened closer and more closer. It sounded something like Tell me wat'chu really wanna do (Come here ma) Talk to a nigga, talk with me You look like you could really give it to a nigga, from the way you talk and the way ya try to walk for me The way you really try to put it on a dawg Threw ya hips like ya never did before for me The way you break yo' back, and I break yo' neck, and the way you try to put it on the floor for me (Come on!) Come on (Come on!) Oh yeah Tell me where my niggas is at (Ok!) Lemme address y'all niggas one time, while I lock that down, and I hit'cha wit that (YOU GONE!) That bomb shit, y'all niggas gone all day Be the nigga in the drop, Y'all niggas know every time I come through, this motherfucker, where we always takin the ride (So let me do this bitch) Y'all niggas know when we come, we be makin it flop, the way we makin it hot'll make a nigga wanna stop... [pause] Get money, then cash that check for me All my niggas just bust yo' tech for me Everybody from every hood bang yo' head,'til you break your motherfuckin head for me! Or something like that. Lets see.


	6. Chekov- That's what we been doing?

p class="MsoNormal""Wictor wictor two!" smoke said as they reached the nex land mark.. a daritoe tree! "ugh, when Weiss ist schokomilch end!" said loophole. "muttermilch…eh heh hEH" says ganondorf. They kept walking for 500 more miles. They stop in their tracks. "look at it" said lespond. They saw smoke in the distance….but not that kind of smoke. Just um. The hot steamy kind. It was floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin floatin FLOATIN g up higher and higher and then everyone say "its smoke! But no not that kind of smoke sorry smoke and smoke say its okay guys but im still mad. Okay smoke. Be mad. But next time. Okay back to reality. eeeverybOOOOday looked forward there was a stage. Loadlips try to get up. But no he was not. Even bildo get up. But soon smoke come up and push everyone of….WITHFIRE! Haha lol jokes guys come with me ill help u out come yes yay. Smoke walk away and the others got up by THEMSELVES LOL. They all attack smoke but smoke jus laugh and they go into a car and fly to thevolcano.. woooah! "Guys… we came to the wrong neighbourhood." Littleman put the car into reverse and they go backwards to the mountain. As they drive into a pothole and bildo falls out. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" laf themanduil an san. "WOAHU GUYS!" said gagolf, "I DIDN'T EVEN NO USE WERE STILL HERE O GOD LOL U MAK ME LAF!" evry1 laugh at them and themanduill puts on his shades coz his futures 2 bright yeah. San just say this: "Why did u go swimming lol? Because im a hipster before it is cool!" suddenly a blak man comes and raps. Themanduil think it cool coz he cool too yeah that's right iforgot. Anyway, he rap ansay, "I am busta rhythms im jamaccccccccc-" He choke on a corn kernallll and smoke fire him so he turn black but nevermind he already blak lol n ewayz he fire the krnel and it turn popcorn and busta rythyms is safe. Yeyah. "ok this is it guys" say bildo. He put his hand on his nob and he got electrocuted in his bajeebs. "yoouch guys.. that really really hurt "… he opened the door and stepped into the vulcano. Then gagolf, then luminescence, then themanduil. Smoke tried to get in but he was too damn faaat. "daaayum smoke u gotta go the back door nigga" said themanduil.. man hes so cool. "damn this volcano hot as a mofugga" So smoke went in the back door but he srta got lost so they will have to meet up later. They went through the volcano forest inside the volcano and burned their feet. Smoke was like guys can u hear me and then everyone was like nah. So he cried a bit. And then he went step on everything but he forgot he had a broken foot so he just got a burnt broken foot. He met up with the friends and everything was well. *sniff sniff* said smoke. "this doesn't smell right…this smells 2 much appole and daritoe like that tree but not apple." "hello what bring uuuu here maaaan?" said martin freeman. WHAT? Whos this new character? But he's not. He is the man in the volcano. "hi bildo" "how did you know my name" "your name isn't bildo" "how did you know his name" "shut up gagolf, go do a putt putt" gagolf stormed off into t he forest. What a fag. "this is your v.i.p?!" say bildo "Oh guys right I remember now this is the pit stop, not the real Vulcan. O. "aay mayn aaaay ay ayy aay mayn aaaay maaayng u sayin we at the wrong pit stop DDDAAYUM MAYN.." said themanduil. This guys mad. "yes you are" said martini. "sorry for disturbances" said bildo in a sad way like he was almost gonna cry but he wasn't. "hey don't be sad here you can wear my hat." He gave bildo his hat and bildo couldn't help but notice something funny. "thanks" says bildo and shook hands and they both disappeared wtf. "uuuuh" say themanduil. Gagolf ugh-ed in the distance. Then a big smoke "SCRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEED"./p 


	7. Czech- Shrek (FINALE!)

So many fireflies said Joelle wops wrong story. Okay bildo and martin freemins was gone somewere probably hell. "I guess we gotta go to another pit stop…WITHOUT THEM." So anyway what happens is themanduil, gagolf and smoke…wait a sec. where was lobotomy? Hueh hueh hurr hurr durf. Sorry that wasn't a character I was laughing at a joke. What do u get when u inside joke ur coke? Job! Hauaeh.. aeiou. Aerosmith. Anyway they tried to backtrack. They used a rope some way. in them. Okay Wtf they got to the door WTF. I ship cornetto + rick. OTP. Anyway again they got to the door and look what they see.. LEMEKI AN BUSTA RHYTHMS COVER IN MUD! But not Butsa he blak aready lmfao. Guess what thy don u wont know coz I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Ok, so heres what they hav 2 say 2 al u niggs out there they say this:;;:' If you're a zombie If you're a zombie, monster, ghoul, or fiend [x7] '

"Woooow" sed smoke I lov that sng so claasy an original and good an inventvie yeaah wooh. " Anyway so lichen sed to BR: "so how to get to th right pit stop brudda?" nd he sed "Why didint u ask b4? I knw from thbegininininin g Anyway so u go into Vulcans and turn left and u r there I willsend my crew(NO PUN INTENDED LOL GET IT COZ IM BLAK LOL) and help ur car I mean smoke. So they tookoff and up up up into the cloudes, weeeee! Smoke yelled s he spun around "Ummm, excuse me but you hav something on ur bak" Said lefeyshia as he fell off and land in his tale. Oh! Said smoke and he flew straight ahead to the rinal destination (No movie quotes please.)

They get the final destination. "Oh my! Sed Gagolf." As he peer into the heart of the volcano. Busta rhythms how did u get here!? Sed Bildo astonish. "Ay, ay, my lil niggas, dis volcaynoe right nec to de odda one, homie." "Oh sed themanduil, as he look to the left nd lo and beheld, theire the other one was. They were flying in loop for hours and hours! HAHAHAHAHA FAIL!Anyway so they get inside. BR s\lead the way with sug swag he sing: This Mike Will Made It banger is the third single off Wayne's February 19th release I Am Not a ... Lil Tunechi got that fire and these hoes love me like Satan, man" smoke hum along. They went in. Smoke died. "O dam." Sed bildo. "Guess we better go home then." And home they went includeing BR. Just kiddin. He jus havin a lil nap. "Oh man guys, I'm awake! Lets go find my little.. VIP…. Heheh." He said in sex. The doors of the vocal were HUUUGE.. and I mean big as smoke asshole. That bigg. Now smoke put his nose on the knob. Sniff. Smells like petrol. Smoke keep sniffing, and sniffing and sniffing and sniffing and sniffing! Everyone had to pull him off! "Smoke, smoke stop! Please! This isn't good for you! I thought we got through this!" said themanduil. "got through what?" said bildo. Smoke calmed down a bit. Themanduil said: "Smoke had a very bad addiction. He sniff petrol. That y his name smoke. "GASSSSSPP!" said like, everyone. It echoed and the door opened. Smoke was kinda sad. But oh well. They walked inside the room that was very dark and scary. Smoke clutched the message in his hand. It was a golden elder scroll. Bildo walked into this REALLY gross thing, like it was slimy and all that. "who the fuck is this slimy gub!" growowowl! It was glum! A new character! "AW DAYUM NIGGA…WHO DIS UGLY MOFUGGA..DAMN!" said busta rhythms. "shieeet I gotta get sum air.." then he walked out of the vocalno. For some air. He scremed up so high! "FUCK MAN! HOW I GET INNA THIS SHIT" smoke shut the door. "Smoke..we meet once again" "Hey glum. Sup" "oh nothing I JUST SIT IN A FKING VOLCANO. WHY ARE U EVEN HERE" "uh,, I came all the way here wit my buddies.. I have a very important thing to say… You are the VIP!" "well how about that, now don't touch my SHIT" smoke smashed a thing with his tail "NO. I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU" a bright light shined straight onto the elder scroll. Glum said.. "…oh lorde the singer. Give it to me please" "FINALLY" SAY SMOKE. Smoke whisper to the friends. "guys this is gonna be so good u wont believe" everyone growd around glum. He slowly open the really shiny scroll.. what it said on it amazes us all. "suck my big red wang" ….THE VOLCANO START TO SHAKE AND THEN ITS ERUPTING GLUM IS ATTACKING EVERYONE GUYS GET ON MY BACK EVERYONE GOT ON SMOKES BACK QUICK HOLD ON THEY FLEW UP UP UP UP WITHOUT GLUM SO HE CAN DIE LIKE A ROTTEN BITCH THEY FLEW UP and XSCAPED! WOW THEY ACTUALLY DID IT. THEY WENT OUT TO UP UP TO THE TOP BEFORE THEY GOT BURNT INSIDE THEIR FLESH. Phew. They did IT! They landed right in front of the volcano. It was still erupting but whateva. They forgot about busta tho. He was ok he just was still getting some air. "SHIIIEEEET…." Just jump on the fuck said bildo" busta jump and on smoke and start writing a song. "damn.. I cud write a song bout dis!" so he start wrting a snog. Smoke didn't get lost this time. He flew all the way home. Everyone was so mad at him. "I hope glum died a rotten death lke a rotten bitch. Word." Said smoke. "naw nigga. Naw." say busta. In the end they all made up in the end. In the end, it was a good ending. Everyone was happy in the end. THE END.


End file.
